This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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