I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dicks are not precious.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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