is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
