It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
