everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
