Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
