I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
