you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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