anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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