I must be too annoying 4 u.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
