Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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