Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
