Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
