Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
