Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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