If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
