I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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