I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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