Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
