You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
