as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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