Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
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I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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