3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
