Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
there is glitter all over my balls
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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