i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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