Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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