you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
