I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
