Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
