Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
