Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
