so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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