he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize