Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
