Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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