If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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