Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
