just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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