The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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