please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
