Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
