I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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