so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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