I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
