since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
