You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
