Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
