You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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