Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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