I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
