it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
