you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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