Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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