I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think my vagina is haunted
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
