DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
