it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
