yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
How's work?
Spinning.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
