He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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