I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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