we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk