I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research