Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding