i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail