why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.