dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
