so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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