Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
