No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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