he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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