Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
