he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
