i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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