i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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