just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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