Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
