my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
