The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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