She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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