i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
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Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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