i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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