they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
